no joke

My baby is 17 days old today which I find hard to believe. He's still so tiny but manages to get cuter every day. How is it possible that this person that takes 9 months, which seems to last FOREVER, to grow can make time move at a ridiculously fast pace? Must just be one of life's many unanswered questions.

This motherhood gig is no joke though. It's probably the most challenging thing I've ever done. I'm exhausted all the time and this is an exhaustion that I've never felt before. I went to college...I've pulled many an all nighter to finish a paper or power point. I've gone out on a Thirsty Thursday or even a Martini Monday to have to be up and in an 8 am class the next day or at work at 6 am to open the registers and to do cash office. There were semesters where I had 5 classes in one day that went all day. But yet I had never experienced this kind of exhaustion and it's more than just waking up every 2 hours to feed someone...I think it's exhaustion coupled with nerves and anxiety. Seriously, I already had a slight anxiety problem before becoming a mom and I might have been slightly neurotic but now I'm just plain crazy. I'm constantly worrying about something...is he eating enough, is putting on the pound he lost from leaving the hospital to his first appointment almost 2 weeks ago, is it normal for my boobs to be even more sore now that he's been feeding for almost 2 weeks, are we ever going to get on a normal schedule, do I put the car seat in the car first or last when I go to the store, along with about a million more worries and anxiety ridden moments.

Also, I don't like being home by myself. I'm just not one of those people that can stay home with my kid. It breaks my heart that I'm not like that. I give so much credit to you stay at home moms. This is a tough job. But I miss work. I miss my 27 other kiddos. I miss the craziness of being in my 1st grade classroom. And let's be honest you can only have so many conversations with a 17 day old person who just stares at you and makes the occasional noise. I know that when August rolls around and I have to hand my kid over to someone else for the entire day I'm going to cry and it's not going to be one of those pretty cry's either. It'll probably be that uncomfortable for other people to witness cry's. But I think I'm a better person with my job and I think I'll be a better mom. I mean for crying out loud I'm already trying to teach him his colors and the poor guy can't even lift his own head yet. I guess you can take the girl out of teaching but you can't take the teaching out of the girl.

As much as I miss work and am probably going to give myself a nervous breakdown with all the worries and anxieties I do find myself just staring at him and reveling in how much I love this little person who only just entered my world. I really can't wait to see what his life turns out to be. He's already such a heartbreaker and the hubs keeps reminding me that I'll be the first heart he breaks when another girl becomes the center of his world. But for now I'll relish in the fact that he looks for me when someone else is holding him and he hears my voice. I'll relish in the 2 am smiles I get when he's got milk dribbling down his chin. I'll relish in the way he takes in the world with his big beautiful eyes. I'll relish how his dad can't wait to get home and immediately finds us to say hi. I'll relish listening to the hubs sing to him when they're in the baby room and he thinks I can't hear. I'll even relish the occasional cries that come from him. He really is the best baby...and that's no joke. =)

Seriously...how can you not fall in love with this boy?

The only time he'll be allowed on the Harley till he's at least 11.