"Nobody said it was easy...nobody ever said it would be this hard." ---Coldplay
Motherhood is hard. Parenting is hard. Worth it...totally and completely but nonetheless still hard. When I started this blog I made myself a promise that I would be completely upfront and honest no matter how ugly it is. Please don't judge me...there's enough judgement going on in the world the last place I need it is here on my blog where it's just me and my thoughts.
Parenting is hard. I didn't expect roses and I know that no situation or circumstance comes with an owners manual or a how-to guide. I knew life would be different once baby J came along. I knew life would change drastically. I knew it would be hard but I didn't think it would be this hard. It's not even the parenting really. I think after 2 months we've or I've come to terms with the fact that a lack of sleep and baby meltdowns are just a part of our lives now. We've reached a new level of tired that I don't think either one of us knew existed. We're slowly getting into a routine which changes every other day depending on baby J. I've got countless parenting books and I think the best advice that I've gotten from them is "You know your baby best so do what works". Which I find ironic as these books are offering advice on everything baby under the sun but nonetheless I've had to put them down because they do nothing but stress me out and go with instinct which is working so far.
No, I don't think it's the fact that parenting is hard or that I knew life was going to change after baby J. I think the issue here is I didn't expect my marriage to change. I know...how naive of me. If my life is going to change why wouldn't I expect my marriage to change? The answer is...I don't know...that fact completely escaped me. Things have been rough the last few weeks. We're both doing the best we can on very few hours of sleep but we snap at one another daily. He thinks I'm criticizing him and I think he's not doing it right which really just translates to he's doing it differently that I do...which is not wrong.
Now I know someone out there is thinking why don't you give the baby to one of the sets of grandparents and spend some time together minus baby. We have and do but when I've handed over baby J the weight of just how exhausted I am hits me as does the fact that my house isn't going to clean itself, the laundry ain't washing or folding itself and the dishwasher doesn't load and unload itself and the groceries aren't going to magically show up in my fridge or pantry and the baby weight isn't going to melt away. By the time baby J is down for the night I'm so excited to have a few minutes to myself that I read my magazines or books, instead of sleeping. It's funny I never realized how much I took sitting on the couch or in bed with the TV on for background noise and get lost in celebrity gossip (don't judge) or Glamour, Marie Clare and Cosmo or a good book, of which I currently have 2 going at once, for granted. I also Facebook it for awhile.
I've also become keenly aware of my personal space. I have a 10 pound meatloaf (whom I love like nothing else) attached to me for the better part of the day and when I've finally gotten him unattached I like my space and don't find the hubby's advances as cute or funny as I used to. The jumbotron in my head is going "Seriously dude...". I hear this is normal but I know it hurts his feelings and I really don't mean to. That's the problem I really don't mean to hurt his feelings at all. I know we're both doing the best we can...making it up as we go. I just hate that things are hard for us, as in just us, right now. Somebody in my life told me this is normal because we both have to adapt and figure this new path on our journey. I know we're both going to do things differently but we're a team. Maybe that's what I need to remember...we're a team...working it out together and whether I believe it or not we're both going through the same thing. And if I could go back I wouldn't do it differently. The hubs is the person I want to figure it out with and travel this path with no matter how bumpy it gets.
Isn't it funny how no one tells you about the ridiculously hard parts of becoming a parent?! We struggled (and still do) with the change in our relationship. It was especially hard because my sweet husband is an only child who has always had 100% of the attention. We still have our days, but it gets better and easier as time goes on. I read a book that is very NON-feminist that I really liked by Dr. Laura called "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." Made me think about a lot of things. However, it definitely does not side with women, so if your not ready for that I don't recommend it :) Hang in there love, I feel your pain, I'm just not brave enough to let all my my family members read about it...
ReplyDelete