no joke

My baby is 17 days old today which I find hard to believe. He's still so tiny but manages to get cuter every day. How is it possible that this person that takes 9 months, which seems to last FOREVER, to grow can make time move at a ridiculously fast pace? Must just be one of life's many unanswered questions.

This motherhood gig is no joke though. It's probably the most challenging thing I've ever done. I'm exhausted all the time and this is an exhaustion that I've never felt before. I went to college...I've pulled many an all nighter to finish a paper or power point. I've gone out on a Thirsty Thursday or even a Martini Monday to have to be up and in an 8 am class the next day or at work at 6 am to open the registers and to do cash office. There were semesters where I had 5 classes in one day that went all day. But yet I had never experienced this kind of exhaustion and it's more than just waking up every 2 hours to feed someone...I think it's exhaustion coupled with nerves and anxiety. Seriously, I already had a slight anxiety problem before becoming a mom and I might have been slightly neurotic but now I'm just plain crazy. I'm constantly worrying about something...is he eating enough, is putting on the pound he lost from leaving the hospital to his first appointment almost 2 weeks ago, is it normal for my boobs to be even more sore now that he's been feeding for almost 2 weeks, are we ever going to get on a normal schedule, do I put the car seat in the car first or last when I go to the store, along with about a million more worries and anxiety ridden moments.

Also, I don't like being home by myself. I'm just not one of those people that can stay home with my kid. It breaks my heart that I'm not like that. I give so much credit to you stay at home moms. This is a tough job. But I miss work. I miss my 27 other kiddos. I miss the craziness of being in my 1st grade classroom. And let's be honest you can only have so many conversations with a 17 day old person who just stares at you and makes the occasional noise. I know that when August rolls around and I have to hand my kid over to someone else for the entire day I'm going to cry and it's not going to be one of those pretty cry's either. It'll probably be that uncomfortable for other people to witness cry's. But I think I'm a better person with my job and I think I'll be a better mom. I mean for crying out loud I'm already trying to teach him his colors and the poor guy can't even lift his own head yet. I guess you can take the girl out of teaching but you can't take the teaching out of the girl.

As much as I miss work and am probably going to give myself a nervous breakdown with all the worries and anxieties I do find myself just staring at him and reveling in how much I love this little person who only just entered my world. I really can't wait to see what his life turns out to be. He's already such a heartbreaker and the hubs keeps reminding me that I'll be the first heart he breaks when another girl becomes the center of his world. But for now I'll relish in the fact that he looks for me when someone else is holding him and he hears my voice. I'll relish in the 2 am smiles I get when he's got milk dribbling down his chin. I'll relish in the way he takes in the world with his big beautiful eyes. I'll relish how his dad can't wait to get home and immediately finds us to say hi. I'll relish listening to the hubs sing to him when they're in the baby room and he thinks I can't hear. I'll even relish the occasional cries that come from him. He really is the best baby...and that's no joke. =)

Seriously...how can you not fall in love with this boy?

The only time he'll be allowed on the Harley till he's at least 11.

Jameson's Story

Well our little Jameson made his entrance into our world on Tuesday, April 12, 2011. Now that I've got the time I thought I would write his story.

My last appointment was Friday, the 8th and I learned I was 70% effaced but hadn't started to dilate yet. Saturday we were supposed to take maternity pictures but the weather was super bad so we rescheduled for Tuesday and the hubs and I had a date day (our last unbeknownst to us as just hubby and wife). I was taking a shower and started to feel Braxton Hicks contractions so after I got out I walked outside to our Arizona room and told the hubby that I had a feeling Jameson was going to come early--like Tuesday or Wednesday. The rest of the weekend passed without much excitement and then Monday arrived. My Braxton Hicks contractions were getting a little more intense and I started to have some back pain which I attributed to the contractions. I left work early and came home, took some Tylenol and got in bed. When the hubs came home he rubbed my back but that didn't do a whole lot to alleviate the pain. I had the worst time trying to sleep. I kept tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position and then finally at 4:00 in the morning I was woken up with a sharp stabbing pain in my back. I was able to dose back off and when my alarm went off I was still having pains. My shower didn't help and I got out crying and told the hubby that "There's no way I can do this for another 2 weeks". I wrote on my facebook about the pain and went off to work.

The pain and what I thought were Braxton Hicks continued throughout the morning getting progressively worse. The advice from my coworkers was to start timing them but they were so all over the place--some were 10 minutes, some were 5, some were 7 and when you're busy trying to teach your 1st graders you don't really have time to time things. So lunch finally rolled around and with the pain getting worse so they sent me on my way. I didn't have a chance to say bye to my kiddos which makes me sad but I'll be seeing them soon. I grabbed my stuff from my room waddled to my car around the building and off I went to my Dr.'s office. I called the hubs and told him I was leaving work and heading to the Dr. he told me to call him with any news. I got to my Dr.'s office explained the situation and they sent me straight to the hospital. I'm freaking out by this point because 1. I'm by myself. 2. Am I really about to have this baby? 3. I don't even have a bag packed.

I get to the hospital and get admitted and get whisked away to the Labor and Delivery unit and I get put in Triage where they check me and sure enough I had dilated to 2.5-3 centimeters and take my blood pressure which was high. Side note, one of my nurses is the parent of a student I had my first year. Funny small towns. Anyway, I asked them if I needed to call my hubby and they said they were going to check my blood pressure a few more times and then go from there. So they check my blood pressure a few more times and it wasn't going down so they said, "Time to call your husband, we're admitting you for delivery." This is when I really start to freak out. I call Robert and let him know and he starts his process of getting out of work, filling out his leave papers and getting to the hospital.

I get to my room at 1:30 and there's a ton of nurses coming in and out and asking me a ton of questions. My mother in law was the first person to show up which was a relief but also made it very real that, "Yes, we are in fact going to have a baby today". I'm trying to get a hold of my parents and find out where my hubby is all the while dealing with what I now know are real contractions. In comes my Dr. and says that because my blood pressure is so high he's going to break my water to speed up the process. That is the weirdest feeling to have all of this fluid come gushing out of you. Sorry for the visual but it's true. Before he breaks my water I ask my mother in law to call the hubs (I'm sure she could tell how panicky I was getting). She calls him and soon after the water breaking he was there. I wanted an epidural so in came the doctor for that and that is so not a fun process but made the rest of my labor so much better. The nurses kept coming in and checking me and by 3 or so I was up to 5 centimeters so things were moving fast. My mom was stuck in a meeting at work and my dad was trying to get her out they eventually made it. By 4:00 the nurses had come back in, checked me and let me know that it was time to start pushing. My mom and the hubs stayed in the room with me and at 4:08 we were pushing. It was such a surreal moment and process. It felt like I was in a dream and would be waking up any moment. Pushing is the hardest part. With the epidural it took away all the pain but I could still feel the pressure from Jameson making his way down. There were a few moments where I didn't think he was ever going to come out but at 5:08 he was there. He came out screaming and cried for about 20 minutes. He was so beautiful. As hard as it was, I would do it again for him. They took him and put him under the warmers and cleaned him up and in all of this the Dr. is sewing me up (I had a tiny tear on the inside) and talking to the intern who was there and I remembered to ask if he had all of his fingers and toes and yes he did. =) The hubby also gave him his first bath and the grandparents took about a thousand pictures that first day.

I can't believe how fast my labor went and neither could any of the nurses. We ended up spending 2 days in the hospital because of my blood pressure and boy were those some days. The first night was crazy...between being hooked up to an IV, having to pee every other hour, having a newborn in the room and the hubs I don't think any of us got much sleep that first night. The second day Jameson got his Hep B. shot and circumcised which apparently he slept through. We also had a ton of visitors which in hindsight was way too much for this new mommy who had no sleep. The 2nd night I had a melt down and called the hubby who had been gone for about 3 hours at home getting things done asking him to come back because Jameson just wanted to eat and my nipples hurt so bad I couldn't do it anymore and I was a bad mom because I couldn't. The hubby seemed to get back in no time and made me get in bed and sleep. I woke up about an hour later and the hubs was still up with Jameson so we took him to the nursery and asked if they could take him for a little bit. Of course they did, the hubs said later they seemed surprised to see Jameson since he had been with us the entire time after he was born. But getting those 3 hours of sleep was so needed!

We were finally able to go home the next day around 1. And since then we've been trying to get a routine and work on the breast feeding...which is becoming more successful each day.

Tomorrow Jameson will be 1 week old already. How is that possible? How is it possible for time to be moving so fast now? But he's the cutest baby ever (I promise) and we are just so in love with him. We're those crazy parents who take pictures of him every day! Seriously between us and the 4 grandparents he probably has about 1,000 pictures. Sick! Anyway...here are some pictures of our beautiful baby boy!

Our last picture without baby.

My first time holding Jameson.

The hubby's first time holding Jameson.

Jameson born on April 12, 2011 at 5:08pm. 7lbs and 19in.

progress

Well I have reached my 37th week and only have 19 more official days left until Jameson is supposed to enter the world. This week has been very different than the previous ones. Monday, I started to feel crampy but nothing really. Then yesterday (Thursday) I was nauseous pretty much all morning and finally better around lunch time. Today (Friday) however was a different story. I woke up around 1:00 this morning feeling super nauseous and got up to google to see if anything miraculous was going to happen...no it's just a fairly common symptom. Well around 1:30 I got sick and that lasted till about 8:30 so needless to say I didn't go into work today. I feel much better now and am hoping that this is not going to become a daily occurrence...feeling nauseous and getting sick in the morning and then perfectly fine the rest of the day. I also am starting to feel a lot more pressure down in my pelvic region and my cramps from Monday have intensified significantly. I had my 37th week appt. today and the Dr. checked my progress and I am 70% effaced but my cervix is still closed however Jameson's head is way down there. According the Dr. "his head is in good strong contact" which is the reason for the increase in pressure and crampiness. My next appt. isn't until April 18th (which side note is my last week of work) so hopefully by then we've got a lot more going on or Jameson will just be here.

finally done

We are finally done with Jameson's room! The hubby put up the shelves on the wall and hung up the new window shade last weekend. We also had his ceiling fan installed a few weeks ago. Now all we need is baby. We no longer have months to wait but 25 more days. The only big To-Do is get our car seat base into the car but we're going to ask our friendly firefighters if they will help since we've been told to take it to them and they'll get us all ready. We're pre-registered at the hospital. I've got a few more loads of baby clothes to wash and my hospital bag to pack. I've got all of my lesson plans/work/activities/homework for the rest of the month and starting into May ready. So in terms of prep stuff we're ready to go. In terms of physical stuff I'm ready to go. My feet are in a permanent state of swolleness as are my ankles all the way up to my knees. It's getting increasingly more difficult to find a comfortable sitting/sleeping position and my kiddos keep walking into my belly. I'm also dieing to buy cute non-preggo clothes that are taunting me every time I go into Target. So I would like to say, "Anytime you're ready Jameson...you can come."

My mom found these three owls--Hear no Evil, See no Evil and Speak no Evil. My glider. It is so comfortable it can recline and I can also lock the ottoman for when I'm nursing.

My mom also found this cute owl blanket with accompanying rattle and owl towel.

The owls my mom made for the baby shower along with his first rosary from the hubby's mom.

His book shelves and dresser.

His changing table along with the hanging quilt my mom found.

His crib complete with mobile. All that's missing is him.